“For each thorn, there’s a rosebud…
For each twilight – a dawn…
For each trial – the strength to carry on…
For each storm cloud, a rainbow…
For each shadow – the sun…
For each parting – sweet memories when sorrow is done.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
In the wake of Pop-pop’s passing, I spent much time reflecting on his life with Nanny. I listened to their song, Moon River, a thousand times over in my grief. I cried for my loss and love for them as I listened to Audrey Hepburn’s haunting rendition of their song.
Hopeful lyrics, “Oh, dream maker, you heartbreaker,” capture the duality of love. Highlighting the enchantment of the fall and what follows. It also stares directly into the face of the potential for pain. This lyrical narrative underscores a steadfast resolve to follow one’s heart despite the risks.
When I gaze at the youthful faces in their wedding photo, I see a longing for a life brimming with love and adventure. Another key point that the song touches on.
“Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after the same rainbow’s end
Waiting ’round the bend.”
When that photo was snapped, I don’t think either could’ve imagined the extreme valleys they would travel together. My grief didn’t just abound in the loss but in reflecting on the hardships they endured. In my mourning, I felt their heartache. For me, it mirrored how bittersweet it felt when I finally watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It’s a story that isn’t a classic “happily ever after love story.” It’s about struggle. And sacrifice.
But ultimately, it’s about acceptance. Accepting that you can find happiness, even if it doesn’t look like the picture you first had in your head. And in that, I could find some comfort.
Because as I watched them together over the years, I always knew how deeply they loved each other. I can still hear the timber of his voice when he would say her name. His reverence for her was and still is so palpable that it makes me want my own version of a love like theirs… despite the pain. An adventure that lasts my whole life. I realize that they did have peaks, too. But that somehow still, in the valleys, they had each other. And a million little moments of light. Until his dying day, he was saying how much he missed her. Any of us would be lucky to have a love like theirs.
Like Breakfast at Tiffany’s… today is bittersweet. Even though I am laying to rest two pieces of my own heart, I’m elated they are together again. And whole. No more bitter. Only sweet.
When my sorrow subsides, I will think warmly upon the times they would sit together and hold hands. Or how she’d say something sassy in true Mary Frances fashion, and his booming laughter would fill the room. Or how we would drive together somewhere on one of their many adventures, and the backseat of their car would be my safest space.
And so they leave us a legacy of mosaic. A beautiful rendering of the broken bits. Fortified with the golden light of a million lived moments together. Let this be our comfort, that until we meet them again, whole in glory, that we can do hard things with love and grace.
May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
And the rain fall soft upon your fields
And until we meet again
May god hold you in the hollow of his hand